Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
