Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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