What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
