She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
