Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
