This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
