I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
