thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
