Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
