guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
