I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
