She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it glows. i had to have it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
