I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
