Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we're so committed to being not committed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
