I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
