Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
