All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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