Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
