literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
