So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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