I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
