I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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