My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
