hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
