Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
