i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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