as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
