we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
