loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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