God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
