Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
