drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
