I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We left an ass print on the piano.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
