we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
