Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
two words: eviction party
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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