Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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