The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
