i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
