It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
