Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
