Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
