You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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