Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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