My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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