TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
