i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
