The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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