if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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