I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
