I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
