i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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