He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
