Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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