fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
