Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
