mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
