I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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