im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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