Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
