just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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