Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
