I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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