The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
