My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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