dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
