That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
