I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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