my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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