Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize