I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
