All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
