i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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