I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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