So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
