He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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