He felt like a one man threesome
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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