He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
