I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
