Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
